Will Network for Food

Not too long ago, we asked you to submit your signs that times are tough in your IT department. Things must really be tough, because you responded in droves. The Top 11 that made us laugh the most can be seen in our upcoming July 10th issue's Last Mile both in print and online. But or now, here's the entries that didn't make the final cut, yet were too good not to share.

• Our next software upgrade includes an eraser. -- Linda Fennell
• "You" are the I.T. department and you are instructed by the CIO to terminate all employee e-mail accounts. -- Gary VanHorn
• Times are tough when one IT professional says, "Boy, am I getting a lot of spam", and someone in another cube replies, "Great! I'm trying to save on going out for lunch." -- Craig Kensek
• The mail team starts charging individuals for each email they send. -- Scot Templeton
• IT comes to your desk asking for the 286 PC you are still using to become the new company web server. -- Scot Templeton
• Each IT person is responsible for ~1000 systems... no, wait... that's normal. -- Scot Templeton
• Standard help desk wait time is 2 days... if you get off the line, you start over again. -- Scot Templeton
• Networks are reverted to 10Base2 Coax LANS to save money on hubs and switches. -- Scot Templeton
• Everyone who knew anything about a critical application is laid off and replaced by one person who only knows Pascal. -- Scot Templeton
• IT is finding new ways to generate income such as selling the new systems on eBay as applications get moved back onto the systems from they were just moved off because they were obsolete 5 years ago. -- Scot Templeton
• IT starts hosting porn sites on "under utilized servers" and asks for "volunteers" to help the company's "bottom line". -- Scot Templeton
• Even UNIX administrators are being laid off. -- Scot Templeton
• You overhear IT people talking about looking for a job with Microsoft. -- Scot Templeton
• What brilliant designer engineered and what executives agreed to the fact that: The only way to change from using the onboard video chip option is changed through the BIOS. How do you navigate your BIOS if you can't see it?. -- Andrew korunes
• Oh that was yesterdays budget, today you get half. -- parks fields
• Can't dial into the network from home anymore because company sold the modems and server. -- Steven Estrada
• Help Desk calls are answered by the CIO. -- Glenn Petrucci
• I can get almost all my work done and have time for important projects. -- Bill Shroyer
• Upgrades for everyone! These e-machines are NEVER obsolete! -- Dan Wagner
• "We're sorry to interrupt your ACCESS database, but it's interfering with our JezzBall Tourney". -- Keny Drescher
• To eliminate downtime due to travel, end-user computers come to you, you don't go to them. -- Nick Nielsen
• Instead of an email upgrade, the boss hands out packages of post-it notes. -- Phyllis Palmer
• Even the analysts from India cost too much. Now you have to go to China, etc. -- Dan Kwitchen
• Beg for upgraded disk space on the server, IT Budget Tsar asks "Do you have an MFM or RLL interface available?" -- Bill Ward
• Ask for a new RAID unit, get a case of bug spray. -- Bill Ward
• "Why don't we upgrade the server to a Pentium Pro? After all, it's a professional version of a Pentium. We can get it in 2.33 GHz speeds! And everything I've seen says we can get them cheap!" - CFO, April 27, 2003 (for those not in the know, the Pentium Pro came up to 233 MHz speeds, and is LONG obsolete). -- Bill Ward
• PC refresh rate is directly tied to layoffs. -- Steve Hale
• The new 'tech' in the IT department is Judy from the Mail room, because she knows how to 'un-jam' the printer. -- Norma
• Preventive maintenance means a sign that reads "Don't touch it, you'll break it". -- Norma