Pass the Sunscreen, Linus

We asked our readers to submit their top signs Linus Torvalds needs a summer vacation for our upcoming September 4th edition of Las Mile. As usual, we were not dissapointed. Here's the full list of submissions. And with that, we...

August 29, 2003

7 Min Read
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We asked our readers to submit their top signs Linus Torvalds needs a summer vacation for our upcoming September 4th edition of Las Mile. As usual, we were not dissapointed. Here's the full list of submissions.

And with that, we bid bye-bye to Summer. See Sep-temmmber!

Top 11 signs Linus Torvalds needs a summer vacation

  • Starts spelling his name Linux Torvalds -- John Oh

  • Consultant for MS Attack Team on Linux -- Venkatesh Ramu

  • Joins Microsoft as Chief SOftware Architect -- Venkatesh Ramu

  • Starts carrying eggs on his feet to protect them from the cold -- Bob Roche

  • Initial 2.6 kernel version code named "LinuxXP" Jeff Webb

  • Needs to get into a pair of sandals, as the Microsoft Mafia is wanting to fit him with a new pair of cement shoes -- Kevin Jackson

  • He starts walking around with a blanket sucking his thumb -- Kris Prewett

  • He is considering The Great Pumpkin as a name for the next release -- Kris Prewett

  • Starts referring to the latest kernel build as, Klink and walks around muttering, I know nothing, nothing! -- Greg Goodman

  • Suggests integrating Mozilla into the kernel -- Jason Hicks

  • Says he is ready to begin moving to release 2.6 by having the next version be named 2.6.0-pre1. He then releases 2.6.0-test1 -- Kirk C Aune

  • Says he is Finish(ed) and will write no more operating systems -- Kirk C Aune

  • Walking around humming the tune "Start me up"... -- Chris Lange

  • Returning from lunch, he absently types "c:WINDOWSWINIPCFG" as a first step to troubleshoot his inoperative network connection. Then he realizes the keyboard's not plugged in -- Lee Chambers

  • He's forgotten where the Linux server is -- Lee Chambers

  • The 14" monitor on the Linux server has lost two colors so he tries to replace it with a Televideo data terminal -- Lee Chambers

  • All the lights on the server are out, the fan is frozen up and the monitor doesn't work, but it's still ON and living on the network. He decides to turn it off to fix it and discovers he's turned off a 486-120 he was using to hold up his coffeecup and he can't remember what it was doing--but it was running fine--and he's got no idea which machine he's really using!) -- Lee Chambers

  • Proposes next Kernel be implemented as a middleware layer in Dot.Net -- Larry Battis

  • Gets caught day dreaming about that "darn cute pinguin in that sexy red hat" -- Tim Ott

  • Decides that Open Source is a waste of time Woody Medina

  • Bruised forehead from crushing Jolt cans -- Woody Medina

  • Calls Microsoft and asks "Why can't we all just get along?" -- Woody Medina

  • Dumps penguin for Linux logo in favor of bottle of Jack Daniels -- Woody Medina

  • Retires the penguin logo in favor of a "flying cappuccino maker" -- Andrew Maguire

  • Announces next version of the kernel will be released Oct. 31, "to honor the Great Pumpkin as he rises from the pumpkin patch to give candy to all the good children in the world." -- Scott Bauer

  • Starts believing the abacus wasn't such a bad idea -- Gerald Butts

  • Linus unveils the new Linux offering, Killer Penguins 1.0 by mailing thousands of the suckers to

  • Microsoft and SCO employees worldwide -- Ken Graham

  • Linus has been seen wandering the streets muttering, "I've emailed millions of those test messages and

  • Bill Gates still hasn't sent me my check..." -- Ken Graham

  • "and neither has Roy Disney." -- Ken Graham

  • "but when that Nigerian Oil Minister calls, I'll be rich." -- Ken Graham

  • He is being to think this Linux thing wasn't such a good idea after all -- Spencer Albion

  • He continues to try to improve OS performance on his old 386 computer -- Richard Boehne

  • My penguin is in need of a suntan -- Melvin Shields

  • Awakes suddenly from a good night's sleep and finds himself in his swimming pool dressed in a tux and wearing swim fins. -- Glen Jungels

  • Starts using "Transmeta" and "Sans-data" interchangeably -- Mark Swope

  • SCO files for a patent on his brain -- Gary Hoke

  • Lost chess match to Big Blue. Should have stuck with playing checkers -- Gary Hoke

  • When referring to "the kernel" he repetitively has to state "and not guy running the chicken joint down the street" -- Gary Hoke

  • Thinking of changing logo from a penguin to a butterfly -- Tommy Cathey

  • Was caught trying to log onto a bbs with a 9600 baud modem -- Mike Mousseau

  • Offers free T-shirt for anyone willing to part with the current issue of "The Industry Standard." -- Randal Neuleib

  • Claims that his newest browser lexplorer can't be separated from OS -- Christopher Hall

  • Hacks XENIX to create Copyrighted LINIX -- Rich Coleman

  • Buys all of the shares of SCO he possibly can. Then sells them off the next day -- Jim Cobb

  • Needs time to rethink the name Linux because Linus sounds really good, better than SCO. Maybe they won't go after Linux if the name has changed?!? -- Jim Cobb

  • Asks if Microsoft has any openings -- Darrel Clute

  • He's beginning to look like Paul Allen -- Julie Nusom

  • Thinks he's Linus Pauling -- Dennis Tilli

  • Says Harry Potter would be better if he were an open source-rer Hector Fernandez

  • Feels like he wants to apply for a job at SCO -- Harold Bates

  • Has decided to buy the rights to all Linux distributions, create a new company, and move the headquarters to Redmond - Oregon. -- Jeff Mortenson

  • His green card has not been approved after 10 Years -- Pedro Esteban

  • Posted Dominox to an open-recipe bbs -- Hector Fernandez

  • Keeps calling everyone "Charlie Brown" -- Kevin Gunter

  • His summer project is a complete kernel rewrite in COBOL -- Joe Dial

  • If he doesn't take a vacation soon, SCO will claim that it is theirs! -- Darrel Smith

  • Hunts down cases of JOLT Cola on E-Bay to fuel all-nighters optimizing kernel for Commodore 64 and the "MatchBox Server" platforms. -- Dean Faber

  • Suggests that the TCP/IP stack be replaced with WinSock -- Jay E. Morris

  • Sentence written on all his office walls "Where do you want to go today?" -- Matthew Crawford

  • His login theme is the Monty Python "Finland" skit, complete with audio. -- Mark Jass

  • New kernel distro's codename: Saint Croix. -- Mark Jass

  • Wears a Hula skirt and sings "Hono-Linux Baby" while strumming his Ukulele. Matthew Toeniskoetter

  • Laid himself off and sent resume to Microsoft -- Kraig DeMatteis

  • Insistence that his biggest mistake ever was "giving away" the Linux source code -- Nick Nielsen

  • He recently proposed a new alphabet that does not contain the letters S, C, or O.... -- Duke Walls

  • Is noted that he is currently working on an OS that will give Microsoft Windows a run for their money, and is planning on making it free also. Better watch out -- Billy Forrest

  • He considered a pay-per-view boxing match with Bill Gates titled: "Open Sores 2003" -- Rich GouetteFiles a billion dollar lawsuit against SCO for contributing Linux derived source code to the Microsoft Windows "Longhorn" OS -- Brice Womack

  • Starts having nightmares about penguins that morph into VB programmers -- Dave Perkowski

  • Begins to present a new idea and calls it a Window of opportunity -- Dave Perkowskiannounced his next OS will be something called "DOS" -- Ray Gauthier

  • While focusing on security... he decided to mirror Microsoft windows -- Doug Soulliere

  • He's Starting to refer to his family members as "threads" and household chores as "procs". -- Joe Drobnick

  • He accidentally slips "Longhorn" source code into next Linux kernel. -- Kenn Morris

  • Burnt out and running low on creativity, Torvalds decides to name the next version of his OS "Linux XP". -- Princy Mehta

  • Been muttering to any passerby that his hard drive no longer works at home -- Rick Jennison

  • He's thinking about buying stock in SCO -- Tim McCoy

  • Wants to sell Lindows on every PC in the world -- Isaac Koch

  • Says the command prompt is dead -- Isaac Koch

  • Is getting ready to intruduce Linux, Media Center Edition -- Isaac Koch

  • Decides to build automatic updates into the next release of Linux -- Isaac Koch

  • States that in order to make Linux more familiar for administrators, it will be necessary to reboot every time you make a change (even if you just change your mouse). -- Hector Ramirez

  • To make your Linux experience more familiar, it will incorporate the Blue Screen of Death -- Hector Ramirez

Thanks to all for their contributions!

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