MSN's Butterfly Guy

In this edition we discuss the benefits of being the MSN Butterfly Guy, vendor mascots and Internet gambling.

April 23, 2004

9 Min Read
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SPECIAL THANKS TO STEVEN BARRON GRAFING, ED CRELIN, MARK DAYTON, JAMES MCALPIN, JEFF MUMFORD, CHUCK PHILLIPS, MIKE PINS, LOU SOLOMON, PHIL TIFFANY, BILL WARD, AND DON WRIGHT AND FOR THEIR SUBMISSIONS. YOU WON'T NEED TO GLUE ON YOUR TISSUE-PAPER WINGS AND DON YOUR FAVORITE BLUE TIGHTS TO VIEW OUR EXTENDED SET OF READER SUBMISSIONS HERE .THEN AGAIN, THE CLOTHING CHANGE MAY PUT YOU IN THE PROPER MOOD.

The Anaheim Angels have their rally monkey, Linux has its penguin, but mainstream software and hardware vendors sadly have no mascots to call their own. Always looking to lend a hand, our crack team of sociologists, sports analysts and aromatherapists has assembled the following mascot metamorphoses, changing today's baseball mascots into tomorrow's IT winners.

ANAHEIM ANGELS' RALLY MONKEY -- The Novell Rally Lizard

Good, economical use of existing lizard asset. Besides, Novell is constantly behind in the seventh with someone on base.

KLEMENT'S BREWERS' PARK SAUSAGES -- The Redmond Bologna Boy
At last, something to kill the memory of Bob, Mr. Clippie and the Butterfly Guy.PHILLIE PHANATIC -- Sun's SPARcoMatic
No, we don't know what the hell it is, either.

To "stunt the growth" of Internet gambling, Yahoo and Google this month will cease to carry advertisements for online casinos. They cite federal and state concerns about the legality of such Web sites, most of which are run by offshore entities. Correct us if we're wrong, but can't you get gambling info by moving your mouse an inch down from the banner ad and making a search request?

Our own search analysis offers mixed results:

* Google.com: A search for "royal flush" yields 100 percent ad saturation for online gambling establishments. And just as we expected, the top entry is for The Royal Flush Casino. Good thing they're eliminating the banner ads.

* Yahoo.com: A search for "royal flush" here also yields 100 percent ad saturation, but the first nonpaid result is for The Royal Flush Macintosh Download Page. Hey, at least it's just a pinball game.Top 11 perks of being the "MSN Butterfly Guy."

  • John Lepone: Better than being the "Tux Penguin Guy"

  • Wayne Smith: It's so hard to make friends...

  • Phil Tiffany: A fully indexed list of every porn site known to man.

  • Laura Wilbanks: ...no one can accuse you of looking like Tinkerbell or being a fairy!

  • John Gilbertson: Float like a butterfly Suck like a blackhole

  • Frank Woods: It may look like a butterfly but it stings like a bee.

  • Laura Wilbanks: ...it is better than standing in the unemployment line with Jimmy Dean! (recently dumped by Sara Lee Corp)

  • Lee Holden: With apologies to Red Bull, "Microsoft gives you wiiinnnggss!"

  • jeff mumford: Can now afford to move out of mom's basement, into mom's garage.

  • Ed Crelin: No safer place to be a bug on this earth than Redmond, WA!

  • Tom Job: Don't have to worry to much about windshields

  • Steven Barron Grafing: No need to change clothes before Joffrey Ballet tryouts.

  • Steven Barron Grafing: No need to lie to the ladies.

  • Michael Henry: Where else can you wear pastels and be the right kind of gay?

  • Steven Barron Grafing: Finally get to use the dusty butterflyguy.com domain.

  • Tim Schultheis: Finally a Microsoft Bug you can laugh at!

  • Steven Barron Grafing: There's always an empty seat on the bus.

  • Steven Barron Grafing: Chicks dig the wings.

  • Steven Barron Grafing: More screen time than the "Can you hear me now?" guy.

  • Danny Samson: It's now ok to live Halloween 365 days/year

  • Brian: Better stock options than the average sports mascot. . .

  • Jeff Borke: It beats being an ugly blue caterpillar

  • Greg Eytcheson: Don't have to wear the goofy glasses like the last guy, Microsoft Bob.

  • Ron Wing: It's better than being one of 'Fruit of the Loom' guys.

  • Steven Barron Grafing: Free drinks at the Eagle. I'm just sayin'...

  • Steven Barron Grafing: The chafing is free!

  • Tim Germain: Women just love a guy in uniform.

  • Claude Roloff: Hmmm, I know I have a twinkie in here somewhere?

  • James McAlpin: Finally, you'll have something appropriate to wear in Greenwich Village on Friday night...

  • Robert Belcher: Has working wings to escape from penguin attacks.

  • Mac Doc: A job with Microsoft without losing your integrity.

  • Steven Barron Grafing: It clears out the dating calendar quite nicely, more time for LAN parties.

  • Steven Barron Grafing: Easier to walk in than a penguin suit.

  • Erik Dauplaise: Blue, it's the new black.

  • Bill Ward:

    • Bill Gates is in your PIM.

    • Never have to change clothes to go to a costume party.

    • New pickup line: "Wanna go to my Cocoon and Metamorphis?"

    • Lots of padding, so that when the kids come to kick and punch you, it won't hurt so much (physically, at least)

    • All the "HotMail" you could ever want (if you get my drift), since Hotmail doesn't Spam Filter well....

    • All you can watch WebTV, FREE.

    • Hey, at least you get Stock Options!

  • Lou Solomon: Just a try, here's a couple off the top...

    • Job comes with special hardware (butterfly.NET)

    • You don't have to yodel like the Yahoo mascot

    • "All you can have" copies of Microsoft Bob

    • When having problems with Word, you can go just call 'Clippy' in his cubicle(the paperclip help guy)

    • Extra stock options for working the Gates kid's birthday party.

  • Corey Smith: Having wings make a better target for cars.

  • Russ Vanderwerf: Finally, A suitable prom date for the Blind Melon Bee Girl.

  • Jay E. Morris: You get to look at all the porn sites. After all, how can you know to block them if you don't look first.

  • H Knapp: a hybrid between the pillsbury dough boy and fairyland - just like MSN - huge volumne and no substance

  • wayne maurer:

    • It beats being an MSN news anchor.

    • More loved than Bill Gates.

    • 10 MPH breeze and I'm hang glinding.

    • Finally answer the question about a butterfly farting on the other side of the world effecting the weather.

    • They originally wanted me to be a paper clip but I said no freaking way.

  • Erik Dauplaise: AOL probably won't send him any 1000 free hour CDs.

  • John Peck: The honor of being the only bug that Microsoft willingly admits to.

  • Bruce Campbell: Cross-pollination, baby!

  • Don Wright: Not likely to be assumed as sexually threatening to anyone.

  • Neal Stein: They make you look like Ashton Kutcher (from The Butterfly Effect)...

  • Geoffrey Wade:

    • Hey, at least the tights aren't pink!

    • Female butterflies really dig your wings.

    • If you gain a few pounds, everyone just thinks you are pregnant.

    • License plate, my other car is a HOG!

    • Sure, the costume sucks, but at least I get stock options!

    • This will teach my mother!

    • Work hard in school or you could end up with a job like this!!

    • Did I remember to take my medicine this morning?

  • Chuck Phillips: Better compensation package than the FreeBSD Daemon.

  • Dan Nicolaescu: You get frequent flower miles.

    - not "flyer" miles :) -

  • mark dayton:

    • Finally, men who drive minivans have something to wear.

    • Sid & Marty Kroft have made their television come back!

    • Now, when the world decides to give you some SH**, there'll be an obvious reason.

    • You'll match the team colors at those Tar Heel games.

    • Mom won't think you look stupid.

    • Charles Nelson Reily might call you.

    • It's wash & wear!

    • No one will want to sit with you on the bus.

    • The MSN Butterfly Guy - the other white meat.

    • All that felt is great for wiping off those boogers!

    • A great way to tell your loved ones, "Kill me now"!

  • Daniel Petcher: When someone calls you "a fairy," you can carefully explain....

  • Daniel Petcher: The costume is much warmer than that N-vidia girl's.

  • Mike Bloch: not all jobs are being shipped overseas

  • Mike Pins: Gone are those awkward teenage days as Caterpillar Boy.

  • Mike Pins: If fired, he's sure to find work at Neverland Ranch.

  • Hector Luna: Although a bit inhumane - we now have template for Saddam Hussein's prison uniform.

  • j a tirino: You have a job!

  • Christopher Buono: Can finally shed that awful "MSN Pupa Guy" costume.

  • Geoffrey Wade:

    • At least they aren't spedos

    • You see what happens when you say no to Bill!

    • If you think this is bad, you should have seen the original costume!

  • Christopher Buono: Gaydar, smaydar. The costume says it all.

  • Bill Gross`: The Chicks really dig it!

  • Dan Kwitchen: Won't have to worry about the draft when it returns.

  • John Jokerst:

    • Gee Steve, don't you think you should spend more time running the company!

    • Isn't the "butterfly" Microsoft's new logo? Bigger bugs ... but a lot more attractive!

  • Cynthia Kryszak: It beats being dressed as a rat.

  • Tom Koenen: ..If the Microsoft ad campaign crashes and burns, Butterfly Guy will be set to audition for a local Peter Pan play.

  • Joe Jackson: Long-lasting starring role in "Butterfly Eye for the Linux-Penguin Guy."

  • Joe Jackson: Most likely to get caught by .NET. Oh, you wanted benefits.

  • Bruce Campbell: Better colors than Tux the penguin.

  • Steven Barron Grafing: I feel prettyI feel prettyI feel pretty and witty and wise...

  • Jim Splain:

    • Robs banks without a getaway car.

    • You can tell everyone your Dad is a Monarch.

    • Brag, "I know a lot about the birds and the bees."

    • Can you tell I like SPAM?

    • I'm smarter than that DELL guy!

    • Hibernation not required.

    • No longer fear the .NET

    • This job is as easy as {Ctrl}{Alt}{Del}

    • Why run like the yellow AOL man when you can fly!

    • Baseball mascots get hit with bats.

    • I kiss differently!

  • Doug Van Zanten: You expect me to polinate on national TV

  • Gary Sparks: Chicks dig the wings.

    • At least you've evolved from the MSN Caterpillar Guy.

    • No need for an additional Halloween costume.

    • Melinda thinks you're cute.

  • Jason Hill: If caught urinating in public, he can claim he was "pollinating" the internet.

  • Steve Harvey:

    • The buzzard costume was already taken.

    • It's perfect for a guy that's "light in his loafers".

    • Great way to start bar fights and street brawls.

    • Hetrosexual, Homosexual...Butterfly-o-sexual.

    • Tried dressing as a moth...kept getting sucked up to the street light.

  • Ron Tatus: Now that you've been outed, there's no going back to the cocoon.

  • Lance Johnson: It's one step up from playing a treefairy in a Broadway play and now only housewives and small children still question your masculinity.

  • Alan Wagner: You can preach abstinence all you want, but the Butterfly guarantees it!

  • Don Lanham: so many caterpillars and so little time

  • Cameron Ziegler: Damn. I should have never done this Queer eye for the Straight Guy makeover.

  • Sean Davis:

    • No need to fill in the Gender box on surveys.

    • Can use either restroom at a public facility.

    • Kind of makes Woody Allen seem more normal.

  • Adam Jamar: You guys said winning American Idol wouldn't open doors to opportunity.

  • Chad Jamar: I did it for the free software.

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