Bad Patents

6) Condiment-filled PDA--stylus is perfect for cleaning clogged ketchup dispenser

5) RFID car-key finders--find your way home every time

4) Cat5e shoelaces--excess cable does double duty as heavyweight laces

3) USB pen drive mounted in a necktie--both the best and the worst gifts in one package

2) Caffeinated eyedrops--for a slightly less frenzied look1) Mrs. Clippy--enough said

Special thanks to Matt Bunting, Steven Grafing, Gary Hoke, Gregory Mamayek, John Martin, Wayne Maurer, Robert McCandliss, John Patrick, Mike Reed, Jaime Villarreal and Jason Williams for their submissions.

Data center space is always at a premium. So where do you store your servers if you're the eighth-largest ISP in the Denver area and you're on a budget? In your basement, of course--assuming you like yogurt. With a little assist from numerous yogurt lids (they're naturally insulating), some galvanized steel hanger tape and a hacksaw, Trygve Lode manages to comfortably cradle 28 servers and 8.6 TB of disk space, supporting 464 domains, in a very small basement--all without a single strip of duct tape. Congratulations, Trygve.

See for yourself the magical yogurt lids in action.

So you've got a few extra bucks to spend on capX next year, and you're looking for some serious hardware that will give you an "edge" as you throw back some pints with your buddies. Have you considered the Retro Encabulator? This conspicuous piece of machinery from Rockwell International can invert reactive current for use in unilateral phase detractors. Believe it or not, this rack plus-sized system can also synchronize cardinal granmeeters. Very heady stuff. Check out the company's promotional video for more on the Encabulator's differential girdle springs and drawn reciprocation dingle arms.0