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Bad Patents

I'm a Relish man, myself
6) Condiment-filled PDA--stylus is perfect for cleaning clogged ketchup dispenser

5) RFID car-key finders--find your way home every time

4) Cat5e shoelaces--excess cable does double duty as heavyweight laces

3) USB pen drive mounted in a necktie--both the best and the worst gifts in one package

2) Caffeinated eyedrops--for a slightly less frenzied look

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