You're Insane! No I'm not...Yes I am!

A few weeks ago, we asked you kind folks to submit the Top 11 reasons you can tell your summer intern is insane. Well, as a sneak peek -- here's the entries that didn't make it to the Top 11...

June 20, 2003

8 Min Read
Network Computing logo

A few weeks ago, we asked you kind folks to submit the Top 11 reasons you can tell your summer intern is insane. Well, as a sneak peek -- here's the entries that didn't make it to the Top 11 of our upcoming June 26th issue, but were just too wonky not to share...and there be LOTS of them!

  • All of the problems assigned have the same resolution in the notes: ID-10T (User was an idiot) or PBCAK (Problem between Chair and Keyboard). -- Bill Hellar

  • I found "ANY KEY" cut outs glued on all the computer keyboards 'ENTER' keys outside the MIS Dept. -- Tony McBroom

  • Our Arcnet network has been mysteriously resurrected. -- Jason Hicks

  • He keeps asking you if your sweater is y2k compliant. -- Matthew Nappi

  • She keeps a copy of the End-User License Agreement in her Day-Timer, and quotes from it any time you do anything which could even remotely be construed as a violation. Moreover, she records every one of these conversations in a little black notebook, to be used as evidence when Bill requests it. -- Dave Baldwin

  • Walks around saying "Dude, you're getting a Dell!" while interning at HP. -- Bruce Shellenbaum

  • Mistakes the vibrating sound of the beeper he forgot in his desk for a bad hard drive and reformats his PC. -- Andrew Blumhardt

  • Summer intern makes two photo copies of everything, files original, shreds one copy, and stuffs the other copy into interoffice mail, addressed to himself. -- Tom Przybylski

  • Summer intern insists on being called "Mr. Sneed," even though her name is Laura. -- Tom Przybylski

  • Summer intern takes time off from interning with you in order to go on The Late Show with David Letterman for her big break: A two-minute "Is This Anything?" segment. David and Paul decide it isn't. -- Tom Przybylski

  • Summer Intern adamantly refuses to remove tinfoil lining from his Chicago Cubs baseball cap. -- Tom Przybylski

  • After viewing the movie Matrix Reloaded, intern insists on attempting to reboot company's servers by sticking a 10-base-T cable into a socket at the back of his neck. Intern says that the servers "like it better" that way. -- Tom Przybylski

  • Worker refused to be in work area because the last three digits of the scanner's serial number were 666. -- Michael Rocus

  • Keeps sacrificing the company's goldfishes to the mighty Windows NT server god. -- Stefano Papayannis

  • His desktop wallpaper is a picture of Steve Jobs face pasted over Jennifer Lopez's body. -- Stefano Papayannis

  • His pen pal is the viagra spammer stefano papayannis

  • He's still waiting for Bill Gates to send him the money he's giving away in those chain emails. -- Stefano Papayannis

  • When somebody calls him for tech support says he can't do anything about it since The Matrix controls all computers. -- Stefano Papayannis

  • Uses an abacus to backup files "in case the whole system crashes". -- Stefano Papayannis

  • Every time he surfs the Internet sends a royalty check to Al Gore. -- Stefano Papayannis

  • Last orange alert he sealed our server room with duct tape. -- Stefano Papayannis

  • We haven't seen him since he went on a sales call trying to solve the traveling salesman paradox. -- Stefano Papayannis

  • After spending most of a full summer with a bright, articulate, charming but particularly contrary intern, you come to understand they have been trying to do their best to work with challenging "objections" rather than objectives. Where did communication go bad? -- Raymond V. Hall

  • When asked about an ATM network, he brings out his debit card and states "I know all about them !" -- Vincent M. Locurcio Jr

  • Wears an ID tag saying simply "Minion". -- Rich Pilcher

  • Uses Visio to plot which circle of hell they're working in. -- Rich Pilcher

  • Responds to every piece of junk e-mail he receives, believing even spammers need love. -- Rich Pilcher

  • Demands to be paid in old trade show swag - thinking the Novell 3.1 Intro T-Shirt will garner instant street cred. -- Rich Pilcher

  • Has a bit of a crush on the MSN butterfly guy. -- Rich Pilcher

  • Spends hours trying to get to the end of recursive "GNU's Not Unix!". Rich Pilcher

  • You made the mistake of telling him to run the patch cord from the computer to the data port, instead of telling him to plug the patch into the computer to the data port. -- Robert Foster

  • He actually thinks he has to work. -- Ted Haddox

  • He moves his mp3 collection onto the corporate ftp server. -- Ted Haddox

  • Everything starts magically working. -- Ted Haddox

  • "When I said to burn me a copy, I didn't mean to set it on fire, I just wanted you to take it to the copier and make a copy." -- Sherwood A. Van Dyke

  • Recommends using MS products for everything. -- James Smallwood

  • Says their 7 year old daughter keeps hacking the system so that??s why he is behind on updating the database...actually was said!?! -- Michael

  • Replaces company website text with repeated copies of "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy; All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy..." -- Dave Skalon

  • Brings a "blue dress" to work everyday. Asks for "Mr. Clinton??s office". -- Marvin Duran

  • Walks around the office saying "call me Monica", to all white haired executives. -- Marvin Duran

  • You find your vintage sock puppet boiling in a microwave-safe dish in the break room. -- Tim Barrett

  • All the keyboards have been switched to DVORAK to encourage "thinking out of the box". -- Tim Barrett

  • You find toothpicks snapped off in the locks of the server cabinets. -- Tim Barrett

  • The intern is wearing a wig of dreadlocks that used to be the CAT5 cable in the sales department. -- Tim Barrett

  • Intern is hanging out by the water cooler wearing a "My parents went to Mainland China, and all I got was this lousy case of SARS" T-shirt. -- Tim Barrett

  • Explains eating a bran muffin every morning as "defragging the colon" -- Rich Pilcher

  • Your cusTomers call to thank you for ditching the corporate website and hosting an Unreal Tournament 2003 server instead. -- Tim Barrett

  • His favorite food is a diet drink and a candy bar. -- Bob Ledford

  • Puts mouse on floor, attempts to use it as a foot switch. Calls Help Desk to ask where the "Any" is located on the keyboard. Leaves Help Desk voicemail that "PC is broke and needs repair" but gives no hint of the problem. -- Walt West

  • Thinks everyday is a holiday and working for pay is wonderful if you don't have to do anything for it like real work. -- Bob Ledford

  • They keep showing their FOID card to everyone on their first day of work. -- Richard LaPenes

  • Looks at the server room, asks "where are the Macs?" -- Mark Jass

  • Keeps asking why the C programmers act so normal. -- Mark Jass

  • Still a ee/cs major looking for good job with startup and expecting a hiring bonus -- Rodger Woock

  • He wears green antennae and introduces himself by saying "I am a Martian from the planet zorrrg" -- Ryan Moore

  • Recommends that you outsource your 10,000 mailbox e-mail system to AOL, complete with a cost analysis report. -- John Wiley

  • Continually whispers "When your this big, they call you Mister!" while polishing their workspace. -- Matt Winegarden

  • Sends out an e-mail to all co-workers (and management) inviting them to attend a Rites of Summer Solstice Celebration. -- Carol HammondKeeps barking commands at his computer. Only problem there is no voice recognition software on it and it's doubtful it would recognize "Get Coffee" as a command. -- Mike Donahue

  • He draws a small lightning bolt on his head, wears a cape and has regular conversations with someone named 'Dobbie'. -- Rob Mullin

  • Rants regularly about fluoridation of water. Rob Mullin

  • Brings in one of those really old large white cell phones and has long technical conversations with someone named 'Bill'. -- Rob Mullin

  • Frequently stops mid conversation to remind you how much they like kittens. -- Rob Mullin

  • Refers to your project group as the 'away team'. -- Rob Mullin

  • Has that ?1000 yard? intern stare. -- Rob Mullin

  • Has heated lunchroom arguments with himself about whether to use a fork or spoon when eating his chunky soup. -- Rob Mullin

  • He paints his fingernails different colors on each hand (emphasis on 'He')!. -- Bill Stevens

  • You find him in the data center after-hours jumping up and down with nothing on but his bikini underwear, playing dance music on the server cdrom and screaming,"Back the truck up, babay!". -- Lance Johnson

  • She comes in each morning with a new piece of jewelry, computer / network jewelry. Today it is the mini-belt made of twisted punch cable. -- Ron Poulson

  • He stares at you intently from his cubicle, rubbing his hands together and whispering,?? Soon...soon..." -- Sean Maggard (Edelman PR)

  • Continuously talks about Star Trek, and how it would be neat if the computers here could do the same things as the USS Enterprise. Occasionally, you might find this employee at his or her desk saying, "Computer, give me last months reports..." -- Andrew Peeples

  • Enters into the cold_as_North_Pole air conditioned server room in shorts, goes to the hot_as_heck outside in a coat. -- Harry Ruiz

  • He actually wants my job! -- Ken Leyba

  • Claims to have a first edition copy of "Microsoft Bob for Dummies" signed by Bill Gates. -- Daniel E. Stafne

  • Still believes Alan Greenspan is infallible. -- Daniel E. Stafne

Stay informed! Sign up to get expert advice and insight delivered direct to your inbox
More Insights