Wonky Windows NamesWonky Windows Names
In this edition we chuckle at the Top 11 worst codenames for the next version of Microsoft Windows, virtual Net disasters and a scrolling marquee belt buckle.
May 6, 2005

5) Crapshoot
4) LongHernia
3) Los Alamos (where bombs are made and security is dubious)
2) Windows NotAgain
1) Windows "It's From Microsoft, So Just Buy It and Don't Ask Questions" 1.0Special thanks to Karla Davis, Jose Hernandez, Chris Hulaj, Gregory Mamayek, Steven Matheson, Wayne Maurer, Jeff Murdoch, Douglas Rockney and Ralph Stoos Jr. for their prophetic submissions. See the full list of readers' zany and depraved code-name suggestions.
Ticked off at a Web page that doesn't load properly or promotes a competitor's product? Don't get mad--get even! At www.netdisaster.com, you can simulate the destruction of your most despised Web page using a choice of animated obliteration methods, including nuclear attack, worms, dinosaurs, meteors, even spilled coffee. So next time a Web page just kills you, kill it back. (Editor's note: Thanks to our parent company's "malicious Web site filter," we had to sneak out of the office to verify this item on another network.)
Looking for a piece of clothing that has your name written all over it? Here's an item that can say "You" and still leave room for 253 more characters. The new scrolling belt buckle from Iced Out (www.icedoutgear.com) can store up to six customized, rotating messages so you can promote yourself, your Web site or the latest news from CNN. Make the text scroll left to right or top to bottom--or, if you really want to go all out, make it blink on and off. Oh, and this baby offers an added benefit: It helps keep your pants up.
Douglas Rockney
• Windows insert_current_year_plus_one()Dennis Burdick
• LongBoot
Joe Bars
• Ho-broken
Estevan Roman
• "The Windows Reloaded"
Matthew Cain
• OpenSore
Tom Avern
• WinD'ohs GTFreddie H. Sebren
• "Nightmare By Gates"
Arnold Aravena
a• Tired Windows; Silver Goose; Long Hand; Short Windows; Easy Can't Do (ECD); New Troubles '96 (NT'96); Good Luck Network (GLN)
Steve Harvey
1. Microsoft Moose2. Bob II
3. Clear Window Pain
4. WatchLinuxBleed
5. Bill's Great Adventure
6. SCO_Unix`ed_Linux
Gaspar Botsinkay
• III Gate
Jeffrey Goble
• "Cheetah"Erik Ludloff
• WrongHorn
Wayne Rorex
• "Windows Pain" (or Pane)
This allows updates of "Double Pain"
and "Triple Pain"
and the fixes would be "Cauking"
Chris Hulaj
• "Godot"
Daniel Reiss
• ApApleXy
Dan Martin
• "Servicepack" Edition ProMike Sherck
• BillsNextBillion
Dan Martin
• Windows Security Systems Editionalso known as "Win SecSystEd"
Look for Service Pack 34.
Daniel Reiss
• Cupertino2, DeathSpiral, 64-NOT, HornBroken, LongGone, WinDoze [not original but fits]; RedYawn; YawnMount, Pay-no-Attention-to-the-Man-Behind-the-Curtain,
John Biancheri
• Final Solution
Fred Thoene
• Windows No-WorkieSteve Begay
• UNVMYOS 1.0
Jos Vandersman
• Windows XXXX
Nicholas Fanale
• Windows Quitilt
Bob Kokinda
• Secure
Richard Mlodoch
• TikritChris Falkner
• Project Blue Book
Joseph Meyers
• Windernet Explorer
Greg Tucker
• ID10T
Dominic G. Vadakkan
• Windows Unsecure
Mary Ayala
• DoorsKarla Davis
• Bug Soup
Douglas Rockney
• - OS XI
- Mishawaka
- Linux-killer
- Bob
doug ross
• LongInToothWindows XP for Workgroups
Windows ME - New Technology
Andrew Lerner
• CrashTest
Denny
• "ID-10-T ERROR"Joe M Price
• How about "SBDN" for Same Bugs, Different Name.
Leo Barrera
• Smegma
Meatcake
Brouhaha
John Grace
• SteerClear
Jose D. Hernandez
• DriveBlind, ClueLess, Sucker, BlueScreen,MadeULook, Paperwait, LongBoot, RamSuck,BootLicker, PhoneHome, Stranded, Isolator,DriveWrecker, MIM(missing information manager),NoLogic, Infectus, MyPlague, HOE(hell on earth)ReAnimator, IT Comicus, KeepMeGessing, What,Joker, JokesonU, Repeat, KickMe, TarroLargo,BeatMe, BeatU, WhoopMe, Whoopee, Shazzzam,OHS..T, Deleted, Scream, Victimizer, SchizophreniaIgotU, LostOnDrive, RoadKill, RoadBurn, Scrambled,BinarySoup, WontWork, History, VirusMag, PatchMe,CauseUPain, Anguish, Crash&Burn, LoseUrFiles,IDareU, OpenDoor, RevolvingDisk, VirusMag, OpenCode, FileShare, YourDocuments, DontStart,GuessWho, FalseStart, Fileshredder, HumorUs,Improv, WATTS(what are they thinking), Tripped,Hemp, Smoken, MissingLink, RoadKill, Governor,ItsMyDocuments, Willis
Paul Harbeson
• Win-dooze
Windows Dir-T
Win-slows
Win-Don'tLyndon Berglan
• Thermopain Windows - The GUI guaranteed to get you hot under the collar and keep the maximus discomfort in your gluteus
Doug Whitaker
• Operation BudgetBust
Darin M. Bush
• Top 11 Worst Code Names for the Next Version of the Windows 11. spyware#1
10. exhackers
9. Oyster
8. 1D10T
7. Stevie's Wonder
6. dojsux
5. Bwahahaha
4. Soylent
3. Windows 1984
2. penguinator
1. iWindows
Lora Pennington
• Windows Shuttered
Steven Barger
• XPiredSteven Barger
• Win95-Reloaded
Steven Barger
• BallmerVision
Steven Barger
• Illsbay Ewnay Orchepay
eac
• Farfignugen ???
Erik de Ruijter
• NeedsTransputer 2007Doug Whitaker
• Big-n-Tasty
Internizzle Fizzle
Gary Hoke
• LagHorn
Gary Hoke
• BetterLateThanNever
Gary Hoke
• ServicePack200XMatt Bauer
• Job Security
Craig S.
• WinHoles: Annoying Features Edition
Howard Marks
• Hoboken I resemble that remark.
jerry lein
• Windows BSD "Blue Screen of Death" Too
Kevin Jackson
• Windows.0 (as in "no point")Doug Whitaker
• WormBucket
HackMagnet
gregory mamayek
• ~ Hack
~ Phlem
~ WUSS (Windows Under Stabilized System)
~ Crash&BurnBaby (new from Ronco)
~ ShortLeg (instead of LongHorn)
David Glasser
• Windows BSD
Joe Jackson
• ShoeHorn
James T
• IPOS "I-Pod Operating system"Matt Crawford
• Long FUBAR
Long SNAFU
Kerry Crouse
• BigFoot
Kerry Crouse
• SlowHand
Kerry Crouse
• Control-Alternate-Death
Kerry Crouse
• Big-Blue-ScreamWeldon Isham
• How about: Window's 4 ID.10.TS
David G. Miller
• "Outing Flannel and Thumb" - The best way to feel secure, just ask Linus van Pelt from Peanuts.
gregory mamayek
• Can you say onomatopoeia?
~UnhUnh
~ OhOh
~ Buzz
~ Swat
~ ClickClickBoom
A few others ...
~ BeenThereDunThat
~ WassupNotMe
~ NotAgain
~ BSOD
~ BigFatMutha
~ SnakeEyes
~ CrapShoot
~ Monopoly (pun in there somewhere)
~ Microslut
~ MOS (Most Off System)
Nick Nielsen
• In keeping with the current skiing-inspired names:
Downhill
Double Mogul
Loose Powder
Detached Binding
Broken Lift
Rick Hopkin
• Spam 'O' Rama
wayne maurer
• - Broken Sash
- Windows Sloth
- Windows 2110
- Lindows
- FUBAR
- Smoking Turd
- Windows Whenever
Ron Bender
• OnTime
Richard Perske
• Moprofits, Tryagain, Screwtheusers, Pieinsky, Notfixed, Duzntwork, Jobsecurity, Helpus, SendmoneyJeff Murdoch
• Windows MMXNitro: The wrestling gamers' O/S of choice...
Jeff Murdoch
• Windows Decaf: Do I have to spell this one out?
Jeff Murdoch
• Windows Steam-edition: The ultimate in vaporware.
Jeff Murdoch
• Los Alamos: a place where bombs were made and security has been dubious.
Los Alamos
• I.e., the place where bombs are made and security is dubious.Dave Golz
• Dirty Windows
Dennis Burdick
• Cash_Cow_Second_Edition
Ralph H. Stoos Jr.
• Webian
Winux
Fenestration
LongWhore
Windows TNG
Mocha Latte
LongHussein
iRun
RustWorthy
U571
Halloween
TuxBuster
LongHernia
CP/M
OS-9 From Outer Space
MediaCounterEdition
WindowsDOJ
DeskTrap Edition
Whinedows
Slapware
Deliverance
MinimizeThis
LongBoot
Steven A. Matheson
• (VMS... WNT...) "XOU"
Blow-Your-Own-Horn
Bob-II
Windows-Please-Don't-Buy-X1-And-Wait-For-WinFS
Windows 2008
Windows 2009 beta
Windows-Bigger-And-Larger-Than-Ever
Windows Bloat Edition
I Can't Believe It's Not XP!
OverHype
OS-Xp
Linuxp
Windows "It's From Microsoft So Just Buy It And Don't Ask Questions"
Windows Hardware Upgrade Required Edition
trystan
• Challenger
Danny Miskov
• MicroLinux
Adam Beckett
• BlueScreen0
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