Wonky Windows Names

In this edition we chuckle at the Top 11 worst codenames for the next version of Microsoft Windows, virtual Net disasters and a scrolling marquee belt buckle.

May 6, 2005

5 Min Read
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5) Crapshoot

4) LongHernia

3) Los Alamos (where bombs are made and security is dubious)

2) Windows NotAgain

1) Windows "It's From Microsoft, So Just Buy It and Don't Ask Questions" 1.0Special thanks to Karla Davis, Jose Hernandez, Chris Hulaj, Gregory Mamayek, Steven Matheson, Wayne Maurer, Jeff Murdoch, Douglas Rockney and Ralph Stoos Jr. for their prophetic submissions. See the full list of readers' zany and depraved code-name suggestions.

Ticked off at a Web page that doesn't load properly or promotes a competitor's product? Don't get mad--get even! At www.netdisaster.com, you can simulate the destruction of your most despised Web page using a choice of animated obliteration methods, including nuclear attack, worms, dinosaurs, meteors, even spilled coffee. So next time a Web page just kills you, kill it back. (Editor's note: Thanks to our parent company's "malicious Web site filter," we had to sneak out of the office to verify this item on another network.)

Looking for a piece of clothing that has your name written all over it? Here's an item that can say "You" and still leave room for 253 more characters. The new scrolling belt buckle from Iced Out (www.icedoutgear.com) can store up to six customized, rotating messages so you can promote yourself, your Web site or the latest news from CNN. Make the text scroll left to right or top to bottom--or, if you really want to go all out, make it blink on and off. Oh, and this baby offers an added benefit: It helps keep your pants up.

Douglas Rockney
• Windows insert_current_year_plus_one()Dennis Burdick

• LongBoot

Joe Bars
• Ho-broken

Estevan Roman
• "The Windows Reloaded"

Matthew Cain
• OpenSore

Tom Avern
• WinD'ohs GTFreddie H. Sebren
• "Nightmare By Gates"

Arnold Aravena
a• Tired Windows; Silver Goose; Long Hand; Short Windows; Easy Can't Do (ECD); New Troubles '96 (NT'96); Good Luck Network (GLN)

Steve Harvey
1. Microsoft Moose2. Bob II
3. Clear Window Pain
4. WatchLinuxBleed

5. Bill's Great Adventure
6. SCO_Unix`ed_Linux

Gaspar Botsinkay
• III Gate

Jeffrey Goble
• "Cheetah"Erik Ludloff
• WrongHorn

Wayne Rorex

• "Windows Pain" (or Pane)
This allows updates of "Double Pain"
and "Triple Pain"
and the fixes would be "Cauking"

Chris Hulaj
• "Godot"

Daniel Reiss
• ApApleXy

Dan Martin

• "Servicepack" Edition ProMike Sherck
• BillsNextBillion

Dan Martin
• Windows Security Systems Editionalso known as "Win SecSystEd"
Look for Service Pack 34.

Daniel Reiss
• Cupertino2, DeathSpiral, 64-NOT, HornBroken, LongGone, WinDoze [not original but fits]; RedYawn; YawnMount, Pay-no-Attention-to-the-Man-Behind-the-Curtain,

John Biancheri
• Final Solution

Fred Thoene
• Windows No-WorkieSteve Begay

Jos Vandersman
• Windows XXXX

Nicholas Fanale

• Windows Quitilt

Bob Kokinda
• Secure

Richard Mlodoch
• TikritChris Falkner
• Project Blue Book

Joseph Meyers

• Windernet Explorer

Greg Tucker
• ID10T

Dominic G. Vadakkan
• Windows Unsecure

Mary Ayala
• DoorsKarla Davis
• Bug Soup

Douglas Rockney
• - OS XI
- Mishawaka
- Linux-killer
- Bob

doug ross
• LongInToothWindows XP for Workgroups
Windows ME - New Technology

Andrew Lerner

• CrashTest

• "ID-10-T ERROR"Joe M Price
• How about "SBDN" for Same Bugs, Different Name.

Leo Barrera
• Smegma


John Grace
• SteerClear

Jose D. Hernandez
• DriveBlind, ClueLess, Sucker, BlueScreen,MadeULook, Paperwait, LongBoot, RamSuck,BootLicker, PhoneHome, Stranded, Isolator,DriveWrecker, MIM(missing information manager),NoLogic, Infectus, MyPlague, HOE(hell on earth)ReAnimator, IT Comicus, KeepMeGessing, What,Joker, JokesonU, Repeat, KickMe, TarroLargo,BeatMe, BeatU, WhoopMe, Whoopee, Shazzzam,OHS..T, Deleted, Scream, Victimizer, SchizophreniaIgotU, LostOnDrive, RoadKill, RoadBurn, Scrambled,BinarySoup, WontWork, History, VirusMag, PatchMe,CauseUPain, Anguish, Crash&Burn, LoseUrFiles,IDareU, OpenDoor, RevolvingDisk, VirusMag, OpenCode, FileShare, YourDocuments, DontStart,GuessWho, FalseStart, Fileshredder, HumorUs,Improv, WATTS(what are they thinking), Tripped,Hemp, Smoken, MissingLink, RoadKill, Governor,ItsMyDocuments, Willis

Paul Harbeson
• Win-dooze
Windows Dir-T

Win-Don'tLyndon Berglan
• Thermopain Windows - The GUI guaranteed to get you hot under the collar and keep the maximus discomfort in your gluteus

Doug Whitaker
• Operation BudgetBust

Darin M. Bush
• Top 11 Worst Code Names for the Next Version of the Windows 11. spyware#1
10. exhackers

9. Oyster
8. 1D10T
7. Stevie's Wonder
6. dojsux
5. Bwahahaha
4. Soylent
3. Windows 1984
2. penguinator
1. iWindows

Lora Pennington
• Windows Shuttered

Steven Barger
• XPiredSteven Barger
• Win95-Reloaded

Steven Barger
• BallmerVision

Steven Barger

• Illsbay Ewnay Orchepay

• Farfignugen ???

Erik de Ruijter
• NeedsTransputer 2007Doug Whitaker
• Big-n-Tasty

Internizzle Fizzle

Gary Hoke
• LagHorn

Gary Hoke
• BetterLateThanNever

Gary Hoke
• ServicePack200XMatt Bauer
• Job Security

Craig S.

• WinHoles: Annoying Features Edition

Howard Marks
• Hoboken I resemble that remark.

jerry lein
• Windows BSD "Blue Screen of Death" Too

Kevin Jackson
• Windows.0 (as in "no point")Doug Whitaker

• WormBucket


gregory mamayek
• ~ Hack

~ Phlem

~ WUSS (Windows Under Stabilized System)
~ Crash&BurnBaby (new from Ronco)

~ ShortLeg (instead of LongHorn)

David Glasser
• Windows BSD

Joe Jackson
• ShoeHorn

James T
• IPOS "I-Pod Operating system"Matt Crawford
• Long FUBAR


Kerry Crouse
• BigFoot

Kerry Crouse
• SlowHand

Kerry Crouse
• Control-Alternate-Death

Kerry Crouse
• Big-Blue-ScreamWeldon Isham
• How about: Window's 4 ID.10.TS

David G. Miller
• "Outing Flannel and Thumb" - The best way to feel secure, just ask Linus van Pelt from Peanuts.

gregory mamayek
• Can you say onomatopoeia?


~ OhOh
~ Buzz

~ Swat

~ ClickClickBoom

A few others ...

~ BeenThereDunThat
~ WassupNotMe

~ NotAgain


~ BigFatMutha

~ SnakeEyes
~ CrapShoot

~ Monopoly (pun in there somewhere)

~ Microslut

~ MOS (Most Off System)

Nick Nielsen
• In keeping with the current skiing-inspired names:
Double Mogul

Loose Powder
Detached Binding
Broken Lift

Rick Hopkin
• Spam 'O' Rama

wayne maurer
• - Broken Sash
- Windows Sloth
- Windows 2110

- Lindows
- Smoking Turd
- Windows Whenever

Ron Bender
• OnTime

Richard Perske
• Moprofits, Tryagain, Screwtheusers, Pieinsky, Notfixed, Duzntwork, Jobsecurity, Helpus, SendmoneyJeff Murdoch

• Windows MMXNitro: The wrestling gamers' O/S of choice...

Jeff Murdoch
• Windows Decaf: Do I have to spell this one out?

Jeff Murdoch
• Windows Steam-edition: The ultimate in vaporware.

Jeff Murdoch
• Los Alamos: a place where bombs were made and security has been dubious.

Los Alamos
• I.e., the place where bombs are made and security is dubious.Dave Golz
• Dirty Windows

Dennis Burdick
• Cash_Cow_Second_Edition

Ralph H. Stoos Jr.
• Webian

Windows TNG
Mocha Latte

OS-9 From Outer Space
DeskTrap Edition


Steven A. Matheson
• (VMS... WNT...) "XOU"



Windows 2008

Windows 2009 beta

Windows Bloat Edition

I Can't Believe It's Not XP!



Windows "It's From Microsoft So Just Buy It And Don't Ask Questions"

Windows Hardware Upgrade Required Edition


• Challenger

Danny Miskov
• MicroLinux

Adam Beckett
• BlueScreen0

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