Will Network for Food

Not too long ago, we asked you to submit your signs that times are tough in your IT department. Things must really be tough, because you responded in droves. The Top 11 that made us laugh the most can be...

July 2, 2003

7 Min Read
Network Computing logo

Not too long ago, we asked you to submit your signs that times are tough in your IT department. Things must really be tough, because you responded in droves. The Top 11 that made us laugh the most can be seen in our upcoming July 10th issue's Last Mile both in print and online. But or now, here's the entries that didn't make the final cut, yet were too good not to share.

  • Our next software upgrade includes an eraser. -- Linda Fennell

  • "You" are the I.T. department and you are instructed by the CIO to terminate all employee e-mail accounts. -- Gary VanHorn

  • Times are tough when one IT professional says, "Boy, am I getting a lot of spam", and someone in another cube replies, "Great! I'm trying to save on going out for lunch." -- Craig Kensek

  • The mail team starts charging individuals for each email they send. -- Scot Templeton

  • IT comes to your desk asking for the 286 PC you are still using to become the new company web server. -- Scot Templeton

  • Each IT person is responsible for ~1000 systems... no, wait... that's normal. -- Scot Templeton

  • Standard help desk wait time is 2 days... if you get off the line, you start over again. -- Scot Templeton

  • Networks are reverted to 10Base2 Coax LANS to save money on hubs and switches. -- Scot Templeton

  • Everyone who knew anything about a critical application is laid off and replaced by one person who only knows Pascal. -- Scot Templeton

  • IT is finding new ways to generate income such as selling the new systems on eBay as applications get moved back onto the systems from they were just moved off because they were obsolete 5 years ago. -- Scot Templeton

  • IT starts hosting porn sites on "under utilized servers" and asks for "volunteers" to help the company's "bottom line". -- Scot Templeton

  • Even UNIX administrators are being laid off. -- Scot Templeton

  • You overhear IT people talking about looking for a job with Microsoft. -- Scot Templeton

  • What brilliant designer engineered and what executives agreed to the fact that: The only way to change from using the onboard video chip option is changed through the BIOS. How do you navigate your BIOS if you can't see it?. -- Andrew korunes

  • Oh that was yesterdays budget, today you get half. -- parks fields

  • Can't dial into the network from home anymore because company sold the modems and server. -- Steven Estrada

  • Help Desk calls are answered by the CIO. -- Glenn Petrucci

  • I can get almost all my work done and have time for important projects. -- Bill Shroyer

  • Upgrades for everyone! These e-machines are NEVER obsolete! -- Dan Wagner

  • "We're sorry to interrupt your ACCESS database, but it's interfering with our JezzBall Tourney". -- Keny Drescher

  • To eliminate downtime due to travel, end-user computers come to you, you don't go to them. -- Nick Nielsen

  • Instead of an email upgrade, the boss hands out packages of post-it notes. -- Phyllis Palmer

  • Even the analysts from India cost too much. Now you have to go to China, etc. -- Dan Kwitchen

  • Beg for upgraded disk space on the server, IT Budget Tsar asks "Do you have an MFM or RLL interface available?" -- Bill Ward

  • Ask for a new RAID unit, get a case of bug spray. -- Bill Ward

  • "Why don't we upgrade the server to a Pentium Pro? After all, it's a professional version of a Pentium. We can get it in 2.33 GHz speeds! And everything I've seen says we can get them cheap!" - CFO, April 27, 2003 (for those not in the know, the Pentium Pro came up to 233 MHz speeds, and is LONG obsolete). -- Bill Ward

  • PC refresh rate is directly tied to layoffs. -- Steve Hale

  • The new 'tech' in the IT department is Judy from the Mail room, because she knows how to 'un-jam' the printer. -- Norma

  • Preventive maintenance means a sign that reads "Don't touch it, you'll break it". -- Norma

  • Now, let's see. What did I do with that super glue? -- Darcy Jojola

  • You have to buy your own batteries for your pager!! No local phone calls for YOU!! -- Cathy Crist

  • I would like to see porn sites be required to list their sites as a (.adu) site. That way we could block .adu sites. What do you think? -- Coy cates

  • "New payroll deduction: $10/week fee to get new week's password." -- Miles O'Neal

  • Overheard in break room: "The new guy got a ZX-81, and I'm stuck with a ZX-80!" -- Miles O'Neal

  • My project needs a terabyte of disk space; they sent over four pallets of DSDD 8" floppies... -- Miles O'Neal

  • OOPS - that had typos, should be: The navy has hot bunking, we have hot keyboarding. -- Miles O'Neal

  • Due to budget cuts, we will only allocate one user ID per three employees. -- Miles O'Neal

  • When you leave a job, and come back 2.5 years later and everything is the same. No.. I mean the same pcs I bought in 98.. Win95, 64MB RAM. -- Ryan P. Robe

  • Complains that the copier's glass is "a mite warm for comfort". -- Jeff Murdoch

  • Your investigating new ways to use old 286 computers as a server. -- John Bullinger

  • Your boss says you need to reduce spending after you just bought a $.05 blank cd. -- John Bullinger

  • You come home from work and your wife thinks your a door to door salesman. -- John Bullinger

  • IT Staff are forced to double up as janitors to save costs. "Hello, I'm here to do your windows and empty your recycle bin, and then do your windows and empty out your trash". -- Steve Hay

  • "Hmmmmmm what's this do??....oops". -- Mike Wiles

  • You volunteered to be the coffee person just to keep your job. -- Ihaab Dais

  • Based on your rough treatment of mobile devices and our enterprise cost-cutting initiative, we have some good news and some bad. The good news is we've got mobile computing that's right for you. The bad news is, it's an Etch-a-Sketch. -- Chris Snell

  • The temps. productivity has slacked off, so they will avoid being asked to hire-on with the company. -- Tracy LaGrange

  • Your CIO is interviewing with WorldCom. -- Chris Malone

  • You have to provide the new accounting person with a Pentium 133 desktop connected to a 10mbps Hub. -- Stephen Walker

  • I hear they're talking about replacing our e-mail server with tin cans on strings. But they're going to use big cans in order to try to preserve the bandwidth. -- Sue Long

  • You find a copy of your boss' resume in the printer. -- Guy Bass

  • Your new application generator software turns out to be "shareware". -- Guy Bass

  • Computer terminals are installed in the outdoor smoking area. -- Guy Bass

  • Your team meetings are moved to McDonalds' playroom. -- Guy Bass

  • Donuts are provided at your team meeting - for $1.25 each. Coffee is $5. -- Guy Bass

  • Donuts and coffee are required or a $10 cover charge is levied. -- Guy Bass

  • You are required to use both sides of "post-it" notes before discarding them. -- Guy Bass

  • Your new job description includes parking cars between projects. -- Guy Bass

  • Your head-hunter gives you his new phone number and it is in the "911" area code. -- Guy Bass

  • Your new CIO asks "What does "IT" stand for?" -- Guy Bass

  • Manager takes back your 2% Bonus and says we are still over budget. -- Chris Goodis

  • Mainframe is more important that Network. -- Chris Goodis

  • The IT Manager is actually working instead of reading Network Computing. -- Chris Goodis

  • VOIP is still bleeding edge technology. -- Chris Goodis

  • Your Boss is younger than you and you know more than him. -- Chris Goodis

  • Why can't I have Win2003 server to just play with it? -- Chris Goodis

  • Mailroom delivery is faster than e-mail delivery. -- Chris Goodis

  • Still using a 9x product. -- Chris Goodis

  • You are thinking of transferring to the Mailroom. -- Chris Goodis

  • There is no such thing as ROI. -- Chris Goodis

  • Your new boss came from the Mailroom. -- Chris Goodis

  • Your new desktop equipment just came in. You typewriter and Etch-a-sketch will replace your desktop and laptop respectively. Have a nice day. -- Robert St John

  • "We've cut costs on wiring by implementing a GOPHER infrastructure -- just tie your floppy disks around the little guy's neck and tell him to run to whoever's needing your files." -- The Dave

  • "We got a killer deal on refurbished first generation iMacs for our marketing department!" -- possibly spoken by a tech support engineer who'll inevitably end up buried alive in a bond blue colored casket. -- The Dave

  • Now, reading "Dilbert" makes you sob uncontrollably. -- Richard Tjoa

Stay informed! Sign up to get expert advice and insight delivered direct to your inbox

You May Also Like

More Insights