Ramblin' On: Ex-AOL Employee Learns His Lesson -- Don't Get Caught

Let's play a game of "What They Say/What they Mean," shall we?

Jason Smathers, Ex-AOL employee convicted of stealing AOL screen names and selling them to SPAMMers says: "I know I've done something very wrong."

What Jason Means: "By wrong, I mean I shouldn't have stuck around here. I should have gotten onto that plane to the Bahamas when I had the chance."

Come on -- does anyone really believe that this guy's sorry? Please. Jason's sorry he's not drinking a frozen concoction in Margaritaville while taking a break from sunbathing on the beach. Jason's sorry he's not rolling in hundred dollar bills on top of his bed.

He's sorry he got caught.

You know who else is sorry? The owners of the 92 million (say it with me -- MILLION) screen names and email address Jason lifted and sold to SPAMMers. I bet they're also sorry that Jason copped a plea and is now only going to spend 15 months in prison for jeprodizing their privacy and identities. Meanwhile, they'll continute to be sorry as they get a slew of "Enlarge body part XX" emails or letters from the Zimbawbwee Prime Minister looking for a "reliable person" to help him hide large sums of cash."

I got an idea. Let's cut Jason's prison sentence in half, and he can spend the rest of his time knocking on the doors of every AOL subscriber affected by this action. He can tell them He's sorry in person. I bet his lip, left eye and nose will be real sorry after the first couple of visits.

Hey, we've got time for one more "What They Say/What they Mean."

Microsoft Mogul Bill Gates says: "Computers will keep getting smaller, and they'll make it easier to wade through e-mails, schedule appointments, stay on top of news and to-do lists and make lawmakers' work more transparent to the public."

What Lord Gates Means: "Soon computers will be so tiny they can be ingested. And when they're inside people, we will activate the mind control and rule the world -- Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha -- ooooh Double Stuff Oreos!"

Alright. Enough Ramblin!