Last Mile: Padding the ol Resume

This edition laughs at the Top 11 worst IT resumes, the world's first computer and, if you're gonna scam on eBay, don't let mom find out!

June 29, 2006

3 Min Read
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Top 11 Worst Resumes

11) Lead programmer of the SQL Slammer worm

10) As data analyst for the Dept. of Veterans Affairs, I often took work home

9) Spearheaded the 2005 deployment of my company's Token Ring network

8) Saved thousands of dollars in electricity by turning off the AC in the server room every night7) Certified in OS/2 Server support and Apple Newton repair

6) Initiated personal project to find holes in corporate Web porn filter

5) Designed a document management system when working for Arthur Andersen on Enron audit

4) Successfully transferred $3.2 million in corporate funds to wife of former Nigerian oil minister

3) Improved MP3 download speeds by switching from Kazaa to BitTorrent2) Set company record for most HIPAA compliance violations

1) Assisted NSA agents with installation of network taps at AT&T

Thanks to all our job counselors--Chuck Close, Frank Ferrel, Jim Fields, Nigel Greer, Gary Hoke, Erich Huemoeller, Steve Mann, Doug Rockney and Marcy Spalding--for THEIR SUGGESTIONS ABOUT AVOIDING ABSOLUTE HONESTY. THEY ALSO RECOMMEND YOU LEAVE OUT THE LINE about that online degree you got from

Who Needs Cops? Just Call Mom

A number of modern technological solutions have been proposed for fighting Internet fraud, but one Internet sleuth found an old-fashioned technique that's still effective--he tattled to the scam artist's mother.Here's the story. A Virginia man submits the winning bid for an Xbox on eBay. The man sends $315 to a PayPal account and waits for the Xbox to arrive. Over the course of a week he grows increasingly alarmed because no Xbox has arrived, and the seller hasn't responded to several e-mail inquiries.

Assuming he has been scammed, the buyer gets the seller's name, city and state from the PayPal account and searches various online directories until he finds a phone number that matches up. He calls and speaks to a young man who denies knowledge of the incident. But our Internet sleuth persists.

A little more searching turns up the name and phone number of the suspect's mother. The buyer calls and explains his suspicions. The woman says she will look into it and call back. Forty minutes later, the buyer's phone rings. It's the young man who had previously denied his involvement. He sheepishly apologizes and returns the $315. Thanks, Mom!

World's First Computer

Many companies would like to lay claim to the invention of the portable computer, but a 2,000-year-old Greek device (Search for it here) has them beat. Archaeologists recently uncovered evidence that confirms the device, known as the Antikythera Mechanism, was used to compute the positions of the planets. It won't quite fit into a shirt pocket, though; it consists of more than 30 wheels and dials, is made of solid bronze and was mounted in a wooden housing roughly the size of a shoebox.


Have a IT-related Chuckle you want to share? Spotted some strange tech? Want to contribute to the latest Top 11 List? Drop on by the Last Mile Repository!

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