Larry-Palooza

5) Fake-mooned merger critics and naysayers. Hey, if Randy Moss could do it ... why not?

4) The details are still a bit fuzzy, but somewhere between sealing the deal and Ellison's yacht ending up in the front yard, it appears there may have been a celebration

3) Told department heads they could finally order all the PeopleSoft modules they wanted

2) Gave syrup of ipecac to all remaining PeopleSoft employees to avert poison pill disaster

1) Sent e-mail to Bill Gates: "Check and mate, punk!"Special thanks to Mike Blane, Erik Dauplaise, Lance Dodd, Steven Grafing, Gary Griffith, Joe Jackson, Bob Kokinda, Mike Mackrill, Gregory Mamayek and Jeff Murdoch for their submissions. We don't usually do this, but we received so many excellent submissions from Steven Grafing that we felt compelled to post them in their glorious entirety.

Picture this: You're doing your taxes when you realize that your Intuit TurboTax doesn't support tax returns for multiple states. Frustrated, you dial Intuit's "800" number to buy the additional software. A female voice comes on the line.

"Welcome to Intimate Encounters," the voice says, "the exciting new way to go live, one-on-one, with hot...girls waiting to talk with you."

You're not sure what happened, but you know you've just found a whole new reason to itemize.

Funny as it seems, this has happened to a slew of TurboTax users who called the "800" number provided in the latest version of the software. Intuit has issued a customer alert with a new number for customer support, but hey, you may want to try the old one. It's more fun, and at 99 cents a minute, it may cost less than filing your 1040.It's 2 a.m. You need to construct a microcontroller circuit board to count traffic as it passes in front of your house, but just can't get your hands on a 4" x 6" predrilled PC board? Not to worry--just pop open the fridge and grab a pack of your mother's favorite tortillas. Insane, you say? Insane like a fox! The Tortilla-Board beats its fiberglass competitors because:

• Wherever you push in a circuit, that's where your holes are.

• It's soft, pliable and fits any enclosure.

• It's economical--24 tortillas for $3.65.

• Sun-dried tomato and habanero pepper-flavored tortillas generate their own 3.3-volt power supply.Who's hungry? You, too, can learn how to make your own tortilla-powered computer.

LOL

Have a IT-related Chuckle you want to share? Spotted some strange tech? Want to contribute to the latest Top 11 List? Drop on by the Last Mile Repository!

As we said in our Top 11, this isn't the norm for us -- but we received so many hystercial submissions from Steven Grafing that we felt compelled to post them in their glorious entirety.And so, without further delay -- Stephen, this one's for you, buddy!

Stephen Grafing's Top 15 ways Larry Ellison secretly celebrated the PeopleSoft acquisition

• Finally getting time to respond to Gates' last long-distance chess move, "pointy-headed dude to Queen's right bosom".

• With so much time on his hands, he's reassigning his personal staff by smell. Sadly, "Urine" has been reassigned from the kitchen to the boathouse.

• He bought exclusive rights to Depeche Mode's "People are People" for an extra-special remix he's been humming for weeks.• The details are still a bit fuzzy, but somewhere between sealing the deal and yacht ending up in the front yard it appears there may have been a celebration.

• Poured out some of his forty "for the homies that went before me."

• Spending more time playing strip poker with Carly Fiorina.

• A tea party with Biggles the Dog and Mr. Pup-Pup. YAAAAAAAY!!!

• More time to spend on his other hobby - trying to make coffee shoot out of Brad Shimmin's nose.• "Aaaaah. Now for some self-indulgent seal clubbing. Hold my calls!"

• Maniacally shouting "BOOYAH!" to everyone he sees...

• He's taking a little "me" time: a glass of wine, a bubble bath, and maybe - just maybe - some cuddling.

• Email to Bill Gates: Check and mate, Punk.

• "I boughts a big comp'nee and I still gots enough money for a sucker!!"• An expensive cigar, a good meal, and enough rare cognac to drown out the screams.

• Gin, juice, and a blunt. Got to keep it real, Dawg. The Shorties can smell it when you ain't real.