Server Room Quidditch, Anyone?

11) Pet owl would attack computer mice and leave deposits on keyboards

10) Wand might misfire at annual meeting, killing shareholders

9) Invisibility cloak would hide him from users, management

8) He'd keep slapping servers and yelling, "Repairum Serviosa!"

7) He'd replace data-center door with portrait of password-hungry fat lady6) Flame under cauldron would set off fire-suppression system

5) He'd behave too much like a manager, waving wand and expecting results

4) He'd write all his command-line interfaces in Latin

3) He'd keep trying to link PCs via floo network

2) Server-room Quidditch. 'Nuff said1) Would you leave a whiny teenager with identity issues alone in your data center?

Special thanks to Joe Foran, Stuart Knetsch, Steven Lee, Gregory Mamayek, Wayne Maurer, Tom McHenry, Jeff Murdoch, Greg Stigers, Delon Weuve and Doug Whitaker for doing their Hogwarts homework. To see the full list of incantations from our creative reader muggles, point your wand here.

How many times has your presentation been interrupted by some inappropriate noise: loud snoring, wet sneezes, a poorly timed guffaw? Well, now it's time to exact your revenge. Yahoo recently introduced a free audio-search facility that lets you hunt through more than 50 million sound files, ranging from simple effects--including the long-revered whoopee cushion--to entire songs. Imagine the audience reaction when you pepper that once-boring PowerPoint presentation with birdcalls, nasty noises and Snoop Dogg riffs--all without moving your lips! That ought to keep those stiffs awake for a while, eh?

OK, we're as techie as the next guy, but we've got to draw the line somewhere. Did we really need to computerize the cowbell? Apparently, we did. Rad Monkey is now milking the music market with its VLC 800 modeling cowbell, a computerized system complete with amplification and onboard digital signal processors that can reproduce the sounds of 12 "famous" cowbells (though we've never heard of any of them), including "Black Beauty," "Snowflake" and "Chicken Nugget." Hey, maybe it's not such a bad idea--we could put them around our consultants' necks, making those elusive outsourcers easier to find when the server buys the farm.

LOL

Have a IT-related Chuckle you want to share? Spotted some strange tech? Want to contribute to the latest Top 11 List? Drop on by the Last Mile Repository!