Last Mile: MS Software Patches; SIG Files

Top 11 rejected methods for distributing Microsoft software patches

1)Display "Hit the monkey, get your software patch" banner ads

10)Run random Business Software Alliance patch-compliance raids

9)Program innovative distribution method using Outlook address

book contacts to automatically propagate software8)Assemble flash mob of Windows users to patch OS and disperse

7)Have "Mr. Clippy" of Microsoft Office fame make personal appearances at computer stores to hand out CDs

6)Design CDs to be the aerodynamic equivalent of a Frisbee

5)Host on www.apple.com/downloads/ to get better uptime

4)Rename patch images "Matrix_ Revolutions.avi" or "Jeri_Ryan_ NUDE.jpg" and host on KaZaA3)Offer no-obligation worldwide home delivery by friendly, bike-riding Mormon missionaries

2)Convince McDonald's to make the Microsoft Patch CD the new Happy Meal toy

1)Patches? We don't need no stinkin' patches!

Thanks to Steven Barger, Michael Bellman, Nate Criss, Herb Hamilton, Cameron Hess, Phil Horney, Mike McCune, Doug Olson and Henry Rohlfs for their submissions. Check out other reader submissions.

Frodo Loves You

Forget stupid ring tones and slightly litigious camera capabilities. Here's another good reason to own one of those shiny new mobile phones like the Nokia Series 60: the Commodore 64! That's right, Hannu Viitala, working with the existing Commodore engine, Frodo, has built a Bluetooth-aware port of our beloved Commodore 64. Now you can conduct some serious gaming on your way to the office with the likes of Galaxian and Tai Chi Tortoise. As Commodore founder Jack Tramiel said, "Computers for the masses, not the classes." Download Frodo for your Nokia here: koti.mbnet.fi/~haviital/

Our Favorite SIG File

submitted by Connor DurflingerIMPORTANT: This e-mail is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word "absquatulation" has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this e-mail, although the terrier next door is living on borrowed time. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer, you can ensure that no harm will befall you or your pets. If you have received this e-mail in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.

Thanks to all who submitted their favorite sig files. You can find the complete catalog of submissions here.

Find more Last Mile items and submit your entries for upcoming issues at www.nwc.com/go/lmile.html.