You've Been Hacked!
In this edition: Signs that you're a victim of hacking; a haiku tech support competition; and the MIT gallery of hacks.
January 28, 2005
5) You can now monitor the Homeland Security guy who's monitoring you
4) A customer calls to say how cool it is that you'vput Blade Trinity, World of Warcraft and Half-Life 2 source code on your ftp site
3) Your site lists the company president as "Mr. PoopyPantz"
2) There's a bill in everyone's inbox for "system maintenance" from a 14-year-old Dutch kid named Pieter1) Your new default homepage is www.nwc.com
Special thanks to Alex Collins, Steven Grafing, Tim Hergert, Phil Horney, Jim Bob Howard, Mark Jass, Jim Kiley, Gregory Mamayek, Brian Miller, Benjamin Vogel and Doug Whitaker. See a special script-kiddy selection of submissions.
Think Val Kilmer and Anthony Edwards have a corner on the high-tech hijinks market? Think again. Think MIT. Those wacky astrophysicists and mathematicians have been busy, creating legendary exploits such as the Phantom Vannevar Shrubbery Room, the Disappearing President's Office and the Wright Flyer perched atop the Great Dome.
You can find a complete compendium of geek hacks here.
Jealous, outraged? As the FAQ explains:"Q: Don't the students have anything better to do?
"A: Yes and no. Studying under the high-pressure conditions at MIT means students need creative outlets. Engaging in humorous and sometimes challenging pranks seems to be one such outlet."
Nothing an atomic wedgie won't cure.
Error beyond youYour tempfile cannot create
The moon sets coldly
Are you tired of whiny users getting the better of you? Do you feel a strange sense of elation talking technical gibberish? Boy, have we got a contest for you! Enter our first annual (assuming we do this next year) Haiku Technical Support Competition. Send us a haiku that answers a silly user question, and our highly skilled poetry judges will either stomp on your creative psyche or propel you to stardom by posting the best submissions in print and online. You'll also get a groovy Network Computing piece of swag if you place in the top three. Good luck!
LOLHave a IT-related Chuckle you want to share? Spotted some strange tech? Want to contribute to the latest Top 11 List? Drop on by the Last Mile Repository!
Steven Grafing
Your home page now displays the lyrics to "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit.
System response time has suddenly improved in spite of the 137,000 outbound emails in the queue.
The inflammatory email sent from the CIOs account firing everyone contains better-than-usual grammar and has been spellchecked for a change.
The web server crashes right about the same time the new guy asks if "wachtwoord" seems "strong enough".Accounts payable asks who "Peiter from I.T." is and if he was supposed to be given the password over the phone.
Your security budget gets approved (Remember? It's the one from 2002 that made the boss giggle).
The order entry web site has been replaced with "I'm Rick James, B*tch" in hex.
Your boss asks if you still have a copy of the D.R. proposal you submitted in '01.
The servers have been indexed, bandwidth has been optimized, and there's a bill in everyone's inbox for "system maintenance" from a 14-year-old Dutch kid named Peiter.You didn't get your morning call from the CIO's admin assistant requesting a password change.
The admin password has been reset to null and your paychecks reflect a realistic cost of living increase.
Your security team asks you to resend your presentation on how to properly secure your network.
Your entire Active Directory structure now has just two OUs: owned and 3lit3 (and one of them is empty).
404 Error~lord lazor wuz here~Why would I check for hackers? It seriously cuts into my Half Life 2 time...
Your CSO's business cards no longer say "3lit3 sysghod".
Your home grown financial management system is the top download on freewarez.ru.
It's never been easier to help the Rhodesian Finance Minister, the esteemed- hey, wait a second!
It's never been easier to help the Ugandan Finance Minister, the esteemed Boote' J. Potswala, free up those pesky seized funds.It's never been easier to help the Nigerian Finance Minister, the esteemed M'Fubu J. Smith, free up those pesky seized funds.
The good news: Your SAN has been optimized. The bad news: p0rn, p0rn, p0rn.
"IF %username%=administrator THEN goto FUBAR"
The first line of the global login sctrpt reads "REM Hilarity ensues..."
Your company's intranet home page has been replaced by a picture of Hello Kitty in go-go boots.Ha! Only the sloppy ones leave evidence...
Uptime stats for the month are at an all time high.
John Patrick
Your firewall finally works properly.
Derryl Steib
you find a perfect copy of the Mona Lisa on your X-A-Sketch.
Lance Dodd
[email protected] wanring replaced By
***************************Gr33Tz From D4 L33t CreW***************************
Christopher D. Buzby
Your Server has a Microsoft Inside sticker on it
Peter Stock
No matter what you type, the only thing that shows up on your monitor is "U R 0wn3d."
Damian Yost
There's a very large keystroke logger that stands behind you, and he still has his axe.(picture of a lumberjack standing behind user writing everything down)
Andy Bach
You know, of course, your 'home computer for 2004' is actually a mock-up of a nuclear sub (which explains the steering wheel)
Andrew Lerner
All users' login scripts initiate sol.exe.Jim Bob Howard
You can now monitor the Homeland Security guy who's monitoring you.
Wolf Wiedemann
[email protected]