Ramblin' On: "Video Snacks"; Space--STILL the Final Frontier

Advertising. I can't get away from it. I end up watching more commercials than I do my favorite TV shows. I can't get through an issue of "Y: The Last Man" without a stupid Skechers ad ("We put the 'S' In action!" Right. Learn to Spell!) I get totally distracted by the glare of the light-up stupid FreshDirect billboard on the way to the Midtown tunnel. (Hey, great idea, let's take drivers' minds off the road!) Of course, every day there's a new popup ad on the Internet (yesterday's winner: "Does Bigfoot Exist? Click yes or no to win a prize!"). And, of course, I certainly couldn't have enjoyed the "Wedding Crashers" this weekend without a solid 10 minutes of Coke, Cingular and car commercials before the film started (never mind the %*#(!@ product placement throughout most of today's movies)--but I digress.

Yes sir, everywhere I go. Crestor ad here, Maybeline there.

And now it seems the cell phone shall fall.

Over on EETimes, they have a little article on 'video snacking,' a wonderful idea from a panel at the "Toy Tour" sponsored by Texas Instruments. These "snacks" would be commercially produced clips of no more than 10 minutes in length. Who knows what the content would be: mini soap operas, news briefs, celebrity gossip. And who cares. The point is, you know that coming right behind these videos--and right in front of them AND right in between them--will be commercials.

That's all I need--turning on my cell phone and watching some doofus spray on Axe body spray and get ravaged by a bunch of grannies as he walks by their bingo club.

What's next? Inserting commercials into the actual phone calls?

"So yeah--the Vet said that it was the right thing to do. Scruffy was just so old and in so much pai-"

"YOUR DOGGY DESERVES THE VERY BEST. SO NEXT TIME YOUR SHOPPING, PICK UP BEGGIN' STRIPS! HE'LL THANK YOU WITH LOVE AND LICKS! We now return you to your phone call."

::choke:: "Scruffy! Nooooooooo!!!!!"

In other news, congrats to the Space Shuttle folks for getting home safe and sound. Unfortunately, the problems they experienced during their mission are threatening the shuttle program. And just today, NASA scrapped plans for a Mars mission to send another orbiter around the red planet.

I know it can't be just me, but is anyone else beginning to think that something's not quite right with our space program? I mean, according to "Star Trek," Khan should have been up there in space since around '96 waiting for the Enterprise to find him a couple of hundred years later. A lot of our sci-fi shows were waaay off target in guessing when we'd be landing on Mars and sipping espresso in Lunar Base coffee houses. So what gives? And, seriously, why the heck HAVEN'T we gone back to the moon? I mean, we did how many lunar landings back in the 60s and 70s? You can't tell me, "Well, it's just a big ol' rock, we don't have any reasons to go back." Excuse me, but it's the MOON! It's in OUTER FRIGGIN SPACE! It's the closest thing to another planet we can get to right now. Get your frozen ice cream eating, Tang slurping butts back over there and show everyone we've still got what it takes.

Unless, of course, those conspiracy theorists are right and the whole thing was on a Hollywood back lot. It's all a diabolical plot by Secret Society of Illuminati Freemasons who keep stealing people's kidneys and leaving them in tubs of ice!

(BTW, I just realized that my first three columns all focused on cell phones in some respect. Weird. Just kinda happened that way...honest. I promise to think of something completely unrelated next week.)

All right, Enough Ramblin'.