Sometimes our twice-monthly Last Mile feature in Network Computing just won't hold all of the great ideas we receive from our readers. In this case, we just couldn't hold onto the following Top 11 List, which harkens back to February's SQL server security problems. We hope you enjoy it. Top 11 excuses overheard at Microsoft's security response help desk.
- Windows 2000. XP. NT. SQL. Who can keep all those server thingies straight.
- Everyone knows that you have to install the really important patches twice.
- It is pronounced "sequel". If you don't pronounce it right, we can't help you.
- I'm sorry, you'll have to wait for the sequel to find out if that issue gets resolved.
- I already patched it twice before. Isn't that enough? Jody Marc Cohn
- I called our internal tech support and they haven't applied any packs, so it must not be a Microsoft issue, must be a customer issue.
- Slammer Worm? I'm sorry, we don't respond to calls regarding health problems at correctional facilities. That's more of a hardware issue, anyway.
- This wouldn't have happened, if you were using Microsoft's Internet Security and Acceleration server.
- S-Q-L server? Can you spell that for me?
- We only load the odd-numbered service packs, wasn't that an even number?
- Oh no, not another TREMORS movie!