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They've All Sold Out

First, long-time rocker (and I use the term rocker loosely) Lars Ulrich of the band Metallica sold out by suing Net music-swapping pioneer Napster. Ulrich may have been right, but he looked awfully greedy attacking his own fans, who downloaded his wretched music. Now that Napster has gone commercial, its CEO has nothing but praise for Ulrich. After Napster settled the Metallica lawsuit, company chief Hank Barry praised the "courageous," "tough" and "principled" stand the rock group took. "They've brought to our attention essential artists’ rights issues," blathered Barry. This level of sucking up would have been useful 12 years ago, to clean up the Exxon Valdez disaster!

I've Looked at Computer Associates From Both Sides Now

I thought Charles Wang was nuts when he paid billions for one ailing mainframe software company after another. But he made it work financially. Of course, customers felt burned after Wang’s CA hit 'em up for larger and larger support fees, but as he once said to me, "Isn't that better than having your software provider go out of business?”

Critics have been less impressed. Perhaps least impressed of all is a gent named Sam Wyly, who recently sent CA shareholders a rather thought-provoking letter. Wyly, who has seen his CA shares fall more than 10 percent over the last five years, wants a better return and thinks the situation will only improve if he takes charge. In typical hostile takeover fashion, the letter includes a number of low blows, including claims that CA:

• mistreats employees;
• alienates customers (46 percent would ditch the company if they could, the letter claims);
• overpays execs (who doesn't?); and
• uses shoddy accounting practices.

Luckily, Sam has a plan. Give him and his hand-picked board of directors the reins, and they'll solve it all. Wyly will reorganize the company into four divisions: storage, security, knowledge management and systems management. He also plans -- now get this -- to do some product innovation. He may even make a strategic acquisition or two. Wyly may be God's gift to company rebuilding, but this plan sounds as thin as Calista Flockhart's upper arms.

Juniper Shoots Low, Scores!

These days, there is one sure way to meet Wall Street's expectations. Lower them.

Juniper Networks was smart enough to pioneer the Internet router. Recently, its CFO was apparently smart enough to dramatically reduce earnings forecasts. The company, at $200 million in net revenue for the quarter, has just under a billion-dollar-a-year run rate. It also is still profitable, despite a near 40 percent drop in revenue, quarter to quarter.

Webvan Breaks Down

I live in the relative boondocks. I don't have DSL or cable service, and seven coyotes live in the field across the street. So it didn't matter a lick to me that Webvan went under. I can't see an Internet-based grocery ordering and delivery system serving my needs anytime soon. It's hard enough getting a decent pizza delivered my way. Still, it seems like the relentless dot-com collapse is bringing down good ideas, like Webvan, along with the bad.

Calling All Geeks

Ten years ago, you could spot a geek by the floods and the pocket protector. Three years ago, you could spot one by the Acura NSX and the pocket protector. Nowadays, you can spot a geek by the PDA, cell phone and pager. Handspring wants to change all that by reducing the number of battery-powered devices hanging from the modern geek's body.

If you've got a Handspring Visor, now you can pick up a cell phone add-on for a measly fifty bucks. But this is not necessarily in the geek's best interests, health-wise. The only exercise a true geek gets is doing Mountain Dew curls and lugging around ounces and ounces of communications gear.

A Microsoft 10-Second Update

It is nearly impossible to cover tech news today without mentioning Microsoft at least a few times. I could write a book about what happened to the company in the last week or two alone. Instead, I will endeavor to cover these events in 200 words or less words.

New Mexico dropped antitrust charges in return for some Microsoft money. Redmond will pay all court costs (and possibly toss in a Flight Simulator site license). Although the appellate court vacated the order to split up the company, the feds are pushing for the case to go back to court as soon as possible. As much as George W. wants to be chums with Bill G., he doesn't want to alienate Larry E. and Scott M. in the process.

Microsoft has made one concession to the antitrust forces. It will let hardware makers do whatever they want with the Windows desktop screen. Microsoft will let Windows XP users rip MP3s to their heart's content, but only as long as their wallets hold out. Apparently, MP3 and DVD capabilities will cost XP users extra.

An inveterate bug hunter from Bulgaria has found another hole in Microsoft Outlook, one that lets hackers execute malicious code. This should come as no surprise. Outlook has more holes than a punk rocker's ear lobe. And finally, a London youth who snagged Bill Gates' credit card number (can you say $10 billion credit limit?) is being forced to undergo psychiatric treatment.