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10) Souped-up fans are needed to let overclocked server handle spam-filtering load

9) Chain gun and the Chobham armor needed to comply with new homeland security requirements

8) By integrating a refrigerator, you can exchange mail and Mountain Dew

7) Plain gray boxes lack feng shui

6) The mailbox shape will help junior admins identify the mail server

5) "It's not a window. It's a maintenance viewing portal"

4) Everything just looks better with a tunnel-ram installed

3) Convenient toaster-oven door provides easy access to grilled cheese sandwiches on CPU heat sinks

2) Easier to color-coordinate vendor golf shirts with green circuit-board case

1) Server room AC capacity: 62,000 BTU. Server room heat output: 76,500 BTU. Budget for new AC system: $0. Your server's PRIV.EDB? Priceless.

Thanks to Buddy Bassett, Larry Battis, Steve Bostedor, J.W. Breeden, Darin M. Bush, Robert Callahan, Mark Jass, Greg Minch, David Steinberg and William Ward for their submissions. Check out our extended list of mail server mod ideas and excuses for modding at www.nwc.com/go/t11-mod.html.

Godzillameter click to enlarge

Memo to SCO: Make sure you pay your own Linux usage license fee.

"It's a scientific fact. Radio waves become sluggish under a variety of common environmental conditions. Besides air pollution, radio waves slow down in noisy environments, at night and in 'high emission' areas such as computer rooms, offices that use

fluorescent lighting, and even in the kitchen (those pesky microwave ovens are to blame!).

"WiFi Speed Spray is designed to eliminate these harsh conditions selectively. Only the radio wave path is affected. There are no side effects."

We can hardly wait for the obvious follow-up product: Latency-Be-Gone. Get more info at j-walk.com/other/wifispray/.

Thanks to John Walkbach (j-walk) for this wonderful spoof