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In many ways, it's the age-old story of product and technology manufacturers selling themselves rather than what they make, all in the hopes of selling, er, what they make. It's about selling an image, product be damned; they'll let us sort out the details later.

And so IBM is striving to help you build an "on-demand" business. HP has mastered the "adaptive infrastructure." Cisco is the purveyor of the "intelligent infrastructure." Microsoft's software is all about the "agile business." Novell "speaks your language."

Have you heard of Vieo? It makes an appliance of some sort, but calls itself a leader in "Adaptive Application Infrastructure Management." Sybase is introducing tools that help folks "measure and improve their Information Liquidity." And Citadel Security Software is making something it's calling "automated vulnerability remediation."

This isn't a column, by the way. It's a dynamic message transfer agent.

I truly understand the need to sex things up, but if vendors really wanted to speak your language, they'd at least tell you what they're selling. Maybe it's just not exciting to hawk installation software, servers, switches, authentication technology, databases and the other straightforward items we're used to. Maybe it's more fun to dress them up in marketing lingerie.

		• Introduction • Security • Network & Systems   Management • Mobile & Wireless • Digital Convergence • Business Applications • Infrastructure • Storage

• Collaboratively Enabled Infrastructure Ah, togetherness; just what your network needs. And what network wouldn't be collaborative without the likes of Cisco Unity, Interactive Intelligence Communité (OK, maybe this is taking things a bit far), AirMagnet and InterWorking Labs?

• Sympathetic Architecture You can't have togetherness without a little tenderness, and where would your infrastructure be without Wi-LAN's latest product, AWE?

• Color-Aware Platforms IT managers believe in building in a little diversity, and sometimes they turn to vendors like Bluesocket--not to be confused with Blue Coat or even BlueCat.

• Power Networking You can't be successful without being powerful, so let me introduce Allot Communications' NetEnforcer, Dell's PowerEdge, Guardian Digital's EnGarde and Smarts' InCharge.

• Intellectual Acceleration Brains or brawn, your choice. But if you go with the former, you'll be looking for companies like Interactive Intelligence, QLogic and Smarts, and products like Brio's Intelligence and BEA's WebLogic.

• We Speak Your Language So who really speaks your language? I'm guessing the ones that actually mean something: AT&T's GSM/GPRS service, Business Layers' eProvision Software (we'll forgive the old-school "e"), Novell Modular Authentication Service, Sanctum's AppShield and Packeteer's PacketShaper.

• They Speak My Language There are a few names that get me excited, like AppDancer. I think QLogic's SANbox is pretty clever. And I've always loved McData; I just wish I could supersize it. There is actually a company called Good Technology. ISS calls its security platform RealSecure. Of course, if you're going to use these labels, you'd better deliver.

But the best is KaVaDo InterDo. Say it again and again. Maybe it will catch on. You know, like TippingPoint.

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