January 23, 2003
By David Joachim and Brad Shimmin

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Top 11 New Year's Resolutions You Know you Won't Keep

11. I'll stop pretending I have to go to the bathroom to end a help session with a user who refuses to get a clue

10. I'll get all my Microsoft units patched, updated, secured and backed up at least once during the year

9. I'll hear the delivery date of a new system and not laugh

8. I'll stop using copy and paste on my reports

7. I'll stop investing in telecom

6. I'll stop responding to e-mail messages that say I've inherited $50 million from the prince of Zimbabwe

5. I'll read and understand everything in the End User Licensing Agreement before I click "I Accept"

4. I'll stop referring to users as "losers"

3. I'll refrain from talking like the Church Lady to the people I work with ("What made you type 'format c: /s', honey? Was it ... Satan?")

2. I'll stop backing up my 80-GB hard drive onto floppies

1. I'll resist the urge to say "Move!" when assisting users

Thanks to Herve Bouchard, Steven Bruhn, Ron Bunal, Israel Lupez de Victoria Cortes, Paul D'Anna, Carol Hammond, Gregg Nicholas, Doug Olson and Glen Ward for their submissions.

SiteGeist

In honor of Google.com's yearly Google Zeitgeist, we've assembled our own retrospective of 2002 search queries on the Network Computing site.

Top Search Terms for 2002:

vpn
cisco
firewall
voip
wireless

Longest Search Term:

"enterprise information portals or enterprise portals or portal software or content management or information management or collaborative filter or business intelligence or knowledge management or km or bi or cm or customer relationship management or crm or categorization or classification or classifier or classification software or search engines or enterprise search or summarizer or summarization technology or automatic hyperlinking or personalization or concept search or semantic network or neural network or theme extraction or concept extraction"

Most Off-Topic Search Terms: