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  November 15, 2002
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Top 11 Most Pathetic Help Desk Calls

11. [Wrong number] OK, so you're not a beach bunny--you've got personality! Can I call you again?
10. Techie: Go to your Start button. Caller: I don't have a Start button.
9. I can't see the cursor through the smoke.
8. Are you asking me if it was working before or after I went through the car wash?
7. Is it safe to use a fire extinguisher on my computer?
6. Maybe you should transmorgify the cryptomatic. I was reading an article inmy newspaper that said you should.
5. My finger is stuck in the floppy drive and all I have on is a robe.
4. I'll give it a try, but are you sure it will work? I don't want to go into the server room any more than I have to. It's over 120 degrees Fahrenheit in there.
3. Please hold for a moment ... MOM!! Jimmy keeps hitting me!
2. Uh, you remember the virus you warned us about last week?
1. My thingy is broken.

Thanks to Douglas Hacker, Rick Hopkin, Amy Hawthorne, Bob Hayes, Bradley Ross, Joe Baxter and Jenifer Aydelotte.



The End Is Near (Just Kidding)

When a hospital's data-security team added a time-out function to its online system so patients and visitors wouldn't be privy to sensitive data, they set the on-screen message to read "Session signed off due to terminal inactivity." But that poor choice of words sent even the most seasoned medical professionals into anaphylactic shock.

The security folks quickly changed the message to "Terminal session signed off due to inactivity."

Thanks to Sue Siefert for this submission

Stupid Human Tricks

For those who never thought the telephone and computer networks would meet, there is this undocumented Google.com feature

1. Within quotes, type your phone number (use dashes, not periods) and hit Enter.

2. On the resulting page, select your mapping tool of choice.

3. Presto, you know where you live ... and so will everyone else who knows your phone number.

The privacy issues at play here are beyond the scope of this modest page. However, we have discovered a practical and ethical use for this feature. Simply Google any new phone numbers before you agree to them. At least you'll know if your shiny new mobile phone number previously belonged to the local Burger King.

Thanks to David Weinberger of Cluetrain Manifesto fame for pointing this out.





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