What are we to make of Nortel's Preside Managed Application Services Platform--a very sexy mouthful, to be sure. Nortel didn't answer my queries on this (I even provided my digits). Its Web site doesn't so much describe this offering as tout its benefits: The platform "enables service providers to offer a rich portfolio of solutions" and "roll out multiple e-business applications," "accelerates time to market" and "creates an efficient infrastructure."

That's fly, but what is it?

Websense, maker of software that controls (blocks and filters) Internet access, sent me an IDC white paper on the evolution of EIM (Employee Internet Management), which is declared "productivity enhancing," because it integrates policy management and knowledge management. I can dig the evolution, but did this really necessitate a fancier term? Give me a Kit Kat.

Executive Editor Bruce Boardman received a message from a PR representative (PR chic?) asking for our contact on emerging technology. She alluded to software, but she wasn't allowed to talk about the product. Bruce asked if she could just categorize it. "All I can tell you is that it's a software product, so if you could please just give me someone's name..." Darva Conger.

We're selling intrigue and ideas. The rest of it--our tangible product--will come later, after we've pitched ourselves to death. We message and brand first; we move products later. Every company's solution is in a "new space," has a founder who's a "visionary," employs people who are "out of pocket" or incredibly busy--busy, I can only assume, creating tag lines, disguising product offerings within and memorizing every new cliché.

I've never been on so many airplanes with so many self-important people, bragging loudly on cell phones about bagging deals, securing mind share and being "in the field." I picture them chasing customers in meadows, cell phone in one hand, PowerPoint in the other. Tom Wolfe called them Masters of the Universe. I just want to know what they're selling.

Here's every interview I have these days.

Q: What makes your product so bold?

A: Users don't want point solutions, they want a total solutions partner. We've done some out-of-the-box thinking. At the end of the day, we're empowering the knowledge worker.

Q: Who are your competitors?

A: We really don't have any competitors. We've created a new market.

Q: Why do you think the customers are so ripe for your technology?

A: We're thinking at Internet speed. That's our mantra, our corporate religion. We're getting traction already. Moving forward, we'll have some skin in the game.

Q: What's a Layer 7 switch?

A: That's really a question for Bill in engineering. I'll have to ping him about that and get back to you offline. We'll talk live later.

Q: Can I get your digits?

A: No, I'll be out of pocket.

-- Fritz Nelson, fnelson@nwc.com