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Now if only I could have subscribed to Accidents in North American Christmas Light Hanging. ("You're not afraid of heights, are you?" a neighbor asked, probably because I prayed as I ascended each step of my ladder. "No," I shot back. "Just of falling.")

Danger is everywhere. At a recent trade show, as I waited to be brought into Olicom's private meeting and demonstration suite, I smelled smoke and a foul funk. Probably just the token-ring packets, I thought to myself. I learned later that technology editor Joel Conover, who tests ATM switches in this issue (p. 57), had been there before me, and that the moment he walked into Olicom's suite, the demo equipment inexplicably began smoking and buzzing. Conincidence? Olicom claims there had been a power surge, but I know better; I read about just such an incident in Accidents in North American Vendor Demos.

Technology managing editor David Willis is no stranger to disaster, having served as a network manager at the American Red Cross. Once, he even faced a bomb threat on the job, his wife told me. But lately, David has become a dangerous technology zealot. When AT&T makes its nightly call asking him to change long-distance providers, he offers to send them $50 if they'll provide voice over IP (VoIP) service to Texas. Later this month, David will be demonstrating VoIP technology at Comnet, where we'll have a soundproof booth so show attendees can help us rate call quality over service provider networks to international destinations. But David insists he won't allow phone sex at the booth.

And you haven't heard the worst. During the morning of a recent visit with Cisco, David and a product manager discussed the vendor's foray into VoIP, and they began talking about some of the problems with call setup using H.323, especially for features like call holding and call transfer. David finally concluded aloud, "It's a 225 issue." Editor Art Wittmann and I looked at each other bemused. The Cisco folks nodded, David nodded and we moved on. Later, at 2:25 p.m., Art and I looked up at the clock, but the issue did not resurface. (See p. 96 for more from David on H.225 and other protocols in the H.323 family.)

Next thing you know this kind of technical talk will seep into our everyday lexicon, and the apocalypse will surely be upon us. For example, take Joel Conover's comments on the Clinton scandal: "It's a lot like networks: If it ain't truly broke, don't fix it. He may be spewing some bad packets here and there, but generally his performance levels are adequate, and he's scheduled for replacement in a few years anyway."

Not to be outdone, technology editor Dan Backman offers: "I think Joel makes the right point, but comparing the state of the presidency to a network backbone is a little frightening. It's more of a PKI problem. Monica compromised his private keys, and we have to wait two years for his certificates to expire. But it's only a minor security breach, and current key revocation policies only cover major compromises that demand a reissuing of certificates."

Clearly, it's a 225 issue.

--Fritz Nelson, fnelson@nwc.com